I'm so fucking centered right now
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
