he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
