so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
