Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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