Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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