my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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