So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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