wakey wakey hands off snakey
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize