I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
