Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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