my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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