Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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