I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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