Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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