There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
