once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
