Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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