they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
