We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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