He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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