we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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