Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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