He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
