i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
