At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
