I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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