Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
