Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
