you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
