i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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