do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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