I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
