I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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