Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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