Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
