My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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