somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
