i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're a waste of cheezeits
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize