Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
