is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize