Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
