Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
