He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
