All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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