i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
