Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
