She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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