i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
