she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry about my life...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize