as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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