i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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