mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
