someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
