Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
