help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
