I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
