that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
