wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
