Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
