Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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