In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
