just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
