we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
