I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
