"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
