All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
