I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
