I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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