were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize