Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
