I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize