he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
