ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
