why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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