I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
