i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
