Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
